Unresolved Grief with Ann Hoff

December is the anniversary of one of the most tragic deaths in my life: my horse running out on the road, breaking her leg, and having to be physically put down. It was such a shocking end to a beautiful day. To top it off, it was my live-in boyfriend’s birthday. I had promised to take him to the five-star restaurant in town. He made me still take him, saying that I would be upset no matter where I was, and I promised him a good meal. I sat there, crying sheets of tears, not bothering to use Kleenex. I wondered what the other customers thought, watching me cry and him enjoying his meal. He then told me that he was upset because now I would ALWAYS associate his birthday with the death of my horse. Looking back, I was completely bereft, and he seemed like the whole thing inconvenienced him. He did not know how to handle grief.

I do remember when his dog died of Parvo, a few years earlier; he was beside himself. It was the first animal he ever had that died. He hadn’t gotten the pup vaccinated, so he felt guilty and spent the $10,000 to try to save him with no avail. When the dog died, I was struck at how long he was upset. That is one thing farm life did for me, you couldn’t get sentimental about the animals you lost to disease. If you did, you weren’t as present for the ones that were still alive. We had pseudorabies in our pigs and lost 150 in one day. Writing this, I realize dying of disease I saw as evitable at times, but this accident of breaking a leg was unacceptable. Also, horses were different. I don’t think I have ever gotten over believing horses are magic. Plus, you haven’t experienced death until you are looking at a body that weighs over a thousand pounds. So, looking back, I might not have been there for him in his grief either. It’s funny how we inherit different beliefs of what you feel guilty for.

When my horse died, I was morose for months that I had let go of her, so she ran out in the road and broke her leg. If I got too happy, I felt guilty being happy when my horse was dead because of me. I lived in that grief for at least six months. I felt I had to punish myself because I had screwed up and my horse had died because of it. On top of this, my other horse had died the year earlier. I had never lost a horse, and now I had two die within one year. I felt like this had something to do with my horse keeping skills. Maybe I was a deadly horse owner. I had killed 100% of my horses in one year, or I had 2 horses die in fifteen years. Both of those statements were true. It depended on how I looked at it.

Grief seems like it comes in waves; grief can hit you whenever it cares to. I was damaged after that death; I felt guilty because the horse got lose from me (I was the REASON she was running down the middle of the road) and I didn’t absolve myself from that guilt for some time. My grief wrapped around me like a serpent and hissed at me when I felt close to happiness. I was having nightmares of losing another horse and being committed to a mental hospital. It was one of the hardest deaths I grieved, because of that guilt not allowing me to let my grief go. Who was I to be happy when my horse was dead because of me?

Now that I am a medium and have talked to thousands of people and animals on the other side. I have let go of guilt. I don’t second guess myself, what happens, happens. I know now from talking to so many on the other side- I have never talked to an animal or a person that BLAMED the person for their death, even if you directly did it. This isn’t our home on this plane, and we would not come to earth if we weren’t promised we could go back. When you are in that sweet high vibration of heaven, the important thing is that you are there, not how you got there. I know families that do not speak to each other anymore because of how a pet’s death was handled- which is pointless. I guarantee you the animal isn’t thinking about it as much as you are. They have already forgiven you, so you need to forgive yourself too. It is hard to drain your grief away when the serpent guilt isn’t giving up its hold on you.

Let me share another fact I have learned from talking to people on the other side. All the pain and drama are on this side of the veil. When they cross over to heaven, there is no pain from the death. There is no feeling of longing for the people on earth because they can still see their loved ones here on earth and they can be with us at the speed of thought. My mare that was out of pain as soon as she crossed. At that time, I didn’t know that, because I wasn’t a communicator yet then. But I talked to her years later, and she told me that she was immediately out of pain. With having accessibility to the other side, I have learned that each death for us is like an inoculation, a vaccine so that when you get the real “virus” Grief. It won’t be quite as strong.

For the holidays, let us remember who isn’t with us this year with joy and peace. If you are feeling guilty about a relationship, stop it. Forgiving ourselves and each other is part of being alive. One of the best parts because it is acknowledging our humanity.

Ann Hoff is a well-known Animal Communicator, Intuitive Medium, and a regular contributor to our FB Group “I Am not Crazy Because I Talk to Animals” and leads a monthly Zoom call with members wishing to chat with a pet, or simply ask Ann a question. This month's content addresses the earthly lessons we learn through loss.
 
Pet Perennials Gift Perks Service becomes a compassionate ally for pet-centric businesses, offering a seamless and affordable solution for expressing condolences. Through unique products like the Healing Hearts Candle, the Crystal Rainbow Suncatcher, and the Pet Perennials Garden Kit, and more, businesses can build lasting emotional connections with clients, reaping the benefits of goodwill and loyalty in the process. There are gifts specific to the loss of a horse, and sympathy cards for horses also available.