The grief in animal rescue and foster care is unique because it involves a deep emotional connection with the animals that you know you will be eventually parting with and never own. Having foster cared for kittens for over a decade and being a dog foster who now has two dogs that are both foster fails, I know the turbulent emotion of grief and loss foster relationships are fraught with.
This grief becomes almost unbearable when an animal you fostered and cared for turns up missing from their new adoptive home. Because I look for lost animals, I am called in frequently for help with these situations. This happens far more often than I care to admit. We need to look at ALL the possible ways we can prevent this from happening (which will be addressed in another blog).
These animals are not usually connected with the new owners, and don’t know their way around the terrain they find themselves in. To find them, I must work with the connection the animal has with the previous foster parent.
Looking for lost pets in heartbreaking for a multitude of reasons. It is exceedingly difficult sometimes to tell if a pet is alive or dead, especially if they have died but the animal itself doesn’t realize that yet. Because of this, I have a series of questions I ask to assess whether the pet is alive, including if they have any pain in their body.
If the pet is registering pain, it is alive. I mention this as proof that all the pain and drama is on this side of the veil. and once crossed over an animal feels no pain. They are in joy and health.
When an animal is lost, the rescuer or foster parent often questions if they did enough to prevent the loss or to find the animal. This is compounded by the guilt of possibly choosing the wrong adopter, leading to the animal’s loss. The emotional burden is significant, especially when the animal is lost shortly after being adopted, as the animal may not have had the chance to form a strong bond with the new owner yet.
There are two things I remind myself of to get over the guilt that accompanies the grief of losing a rescue/foster pet.
First, if they are on the other side, they are joyous, out of pain and free. It is like feeling guilty that someone got a free trip to paradise. Yes, life is sacred, but the soul is eternal. These pets will reincarnate back to this life to continue their soul journey. They will get a reset. Seriously, I talk to lost cats all the time that ask if they could just die instead of walking back home. I always tell them that their owners won’t understand that, and their reaction makes me think they don’t understand why we hold onto this one incarnation so preciously. Dogs, well, dogs buy into human’s fears of death.
The second reality is that animals have souls and come to earth to learn spiritual growth lessons just like humans. Many of these lessons consist of overcoming fears and choosing love. That is the important reality, that these animals have been treated badly by humans somewhere along the line, and most of them have PTSD. They don’t easily trust. However, to learn their life lessons, they must make the CHOICE for love, the choice to trust a human. I have had feral cats choose to have a relationship with me. But THEY must choose. The Angels will not interfere with free will in an animal any more than in a person. We cannot interfere with free will either. We can curse about the human demon who created the fear the animal is harboring, as well as show them that we are safe and loving. But we cannot make them trust us. That is their decision. After working with fear damaged cats and dogs, I see how their minds do not trust, and the PTSD gets in the way of a happy life.When animals are damaged, often due to human actions, they may choose to leave this life and reincarnate in another body to continue their spiritual journey.
These are the facts that help me put my guilt into perspective. I want to help EVERY lost animal, regardless of their damage. Often, we do help them, but not enough to save them. When I look for lost pets I but Angels and light around them so they are not alone, are not as scared. individuals cope with the grief of losing an animal, understanding that the animal’s soul continues its journey.
Grief is an emotion that we must feel and wade through to avoid burnout. That almost becomes impossible if you also hold yourself accountable with guilt for the way the animal disappeared. I know I have made mistakes with foster pets, but I also know that I am absolutely doing the best I can. I know if I stop doing this care for homeless animals, they will suffer. Therefore, I give myself a break, and admit I am not God. I cannot control the spiritual path of these animals or understand why everything happens the way it does. I can only do my best, learn from my mistakes.
Most pets, like humans, just want to be loved before they die. If you have loved your foster pets as much as I have loved mine, they have completed that goal. You are always connected to what you love. Death of the body does not destroy that love. It is eternal, and the most important thing. Focus on that diamond of joy, and the ways you can do better next time. The animals waiting to meet you are counting on you to be there, to give them the choice for love.
Pet Perennials offers a beautiful selection of gifts to support the foster care people in your life, or if you are a foster care parent, to honor and cherish pets you have lost.
Ann Hoff is a well-known Animal Communicator, Intuitive Medium, and a regular contributor to our FB Group “I Am not Crazy Because I Talk to Animals” and leads a monthly Zoom call with members wishing to chat with a pet, or simply ask Ann a question. This month's content addresses the earthly lessons we learn through loss.
Pet Perennials Gift Perks Service becomes a compassionate ally for pet-centric businesses, offering a seamless and affordable solution for expressing condolences. Through unique products like the Healing Hearts Candle, the Crystal Rainbow Suncatcher, and the Pet Perennials Garden Kit, and more, businesses can build lasting emotional connections with clients, reaping the benefits of goodwill and loyalty in the process. There are gifts specific to the loss of a horse, and sympathy cards for horses also available.
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