When I think of the way to take care of yourself during grief, there’s no one way for you to feel better, which is why I want to give you a plethora of different ideas that can work. As we get some age on us, you realize that grief, like winter, will visit again. So, learning techniques to handle grief makes sense.
Grief is a universal and human experience. But unlike many other universal experiences, feelings of grief cannot be anticipated nor are usually straightforward. It’s a natural response to loss. But that’s not as simple as that answer, because it’s not a simple experience. We all grieve in different ways from others.
When a transition happens, the shock or the shift is hard. That’s the time where it’s the worst and I don’t really push myself the first week. Because I’m an animal parent, I’ve had many horses die, many dogs and dozens of cats. The sadness of the multiple losses can build up, but you also know more what can soothe you. I have sensed the residual sadness at times. Realize it will always be there, every so often. So, I recommend becoming familiar with ways to accommodate and process grief.
· Reach out to your angels. The way the angels show it to me is that grief is like a cloud that comes down and sits over people. And when that cloud of grief does that, they have a harder time connecting with us. That is particularly important because when we’re not connected to our angels, they also can’t help us as much. Always remember, they can’t help us unless we ask. So, make sure you do. Feel through the grief for them. Feel through the fog, the love is always still there, as are your angels.
· There’s no doubt that some of the basic needs you have may be a challenge for you early on. Make sure your basic needs are met. That means eating, drinking water, exercising, resting, practicing proper hygiene, and getting up. For me, it is eating. I tend to lose my appetite with grief. It’s important to prioritize yourself. What I do because I know I don’t usually want to eat is I get a Slim Fast or some type of protein shake to get the nutrients that I need and then also do extra vitamin C like Emergen-C. You need that when you’re down because you tend to get sick easier so bump your immune system with vitamin C.
· Make sure you don’t judge yourself by thinking there is a right or wrong way to grieve. You need to be kind to yourself and not worry about whether you’re grieving in the right way. Don’t put extra pressure on yourself by thinking I’m not grieving right, because there is no wrong or right way to grieve. Especially grief with animals because some people are going to not understand it. That’s perfectly fine, that is THEIR reality, not yours. The grief of losing a pet is as deep as that of losing a human, maybe even more so.
· FIND A WAY to get your emotions out. I used to like kicking and hitting a weight bag. I also do ceramics so I can get my angst out by pounding some clay. Journaling is an effective way that helps get rid of your grief (It is recommended to journal 4 times a week for 20 minutes). Once I went to a Sufi group & had them chant over me in Arabic while I cried. It felt so perfectly blissful, if still sad. If you can find a Sufi, have them do grief chants over you. It’s so
It’s not about the words; it’s about the high vibration and the unity. I am sure other denominations have similar grief ceremonies.
Grieving is painful but we don’t have to grieve all day. We can take breaks! I remember listening to Ram Dass talk about when he was doing hospice. He’d ask his hospice patient, “What are you doing?” She’d say, “Well, I’m dying.” Then five minutes later he’d ask, “Well, are you dying now?” He would keep asking every five minutes to try to prove that point that you don’t have to actively die all day. After multiple questions he’d say, “Can we take a break from dying? Like go play the piano and then come back & then you can be dying again?” Maybe you can spend an hour thinking about dying, but for the rest of it, you could like play canasta or do something fun or go for a walk and see the things that you want to remember about this life! (It’s the same thing with grief!)
The point is: give yourself a break from the grief and don’t do it 24-7. Go see a funny movie. Watch standup or slapstick! It is necessary to feel both the pain of grief and allow yourself to take breaks. Otherwise, it’s just too rough to get through.
Commit to taking some time each day, even five minutes, and you’ll be fine. This means doing something as pleasant as you can manage. It doesn’t mean having to go to happy hour. It could mean going out and communing with the trees, taking a ride on my horse, riding your bike out there, going to the gym. The gym has helped me when I’m sad. Watching funny TV shows, YouTube videos, or meditating work for some.
Start thinking about if you want a funeral, you want a celebration of life, cremation, a burial. Pet Perennials offers a selection of thoughtful pet loss gifts and products here that can help you with those choices.
(Next month part 2 of grieving and self-care methods!)
Ann Hoff is a well-known Animal Communicator, Intuitive Medium, and a regular contributor to our FB Group “I Am not Crazy Because I Talk to Animals” and leads a monthly Zoom call with members wishing to chat with a pet, or simply ask Ann a question. This month's content addresses the earthly lessons we learn through loss.
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