Life After Pet Loss: When It's Time to Begin Living Again
Grief is in two parts. The first is loss. The second is the remaking of life.
— Anne Roiphe, writer
There comes a time when grief gets tedious. It has been going on for weeks- leading into months- has it been a year? You have to rejoin the flow of life again. You can’t keep putting stuff off. Or you can, and never truly live again. When I talk to sudden death grief groups, I am stunned at how fresh a loved one’s passing is to the survivor, be it two months ago or seven years ago. They are stuck outside of time, and life is going on around them, but they are not in the flow of it.
Why Grief Can Leave You Feeling Stuck
Somewhere around feeling like your grief has been going on forever but before you decide to let yourself become set in cement, you need to find your sense of humor. Humor is kind of like the thing, at the bottom of pandora’s box, Hope. You start seeing the absurdity in certain things, may even see things from an angle you have never explored before. Grief has a way of quieting the ego, so you are raw to the real truth of the world. That we are all vulnerable.
When I lost a horse to a broken leg, my friend brought her horse to my house. See I had lost another horse the year before, and I felt incredibly guilty that I wasn’t a good horse owner. I was having nightmares that the next horse I got died and I went so crazy they put me in the mental ward. Her trusting me with the horse that she loved brought me back to reality. Then I started riding again, saw the beautiful landscape from the back of a horse and remembered that one bad stroke of luck could happen to anyone and I had a choice on how I could go forward in my life.
My next horse was a more serious show horse. Sugar, the horse that died, was supposed to be my first show horse as an adult, but she was turning out not to be show quality and I wouldn’t have sold her. Some changes happen because our lives are supposed to be on another path. I re-evaluated how I wanted horses in my life after she died and started on a whole different trajectory. A path that led to being APHA (American Paint Horse) all-around high point amateur for ten years and several world championships and top ten wins.
We all only have so much time on this planet, and I promise, we will see those we love again, even (or especially) our animals. Use the time when you are coming out of grief to evaluate what new adventures you want to have. Think of your life as a series of books. Don’t you want them to be interesting all the way up to the end? In fact, shouldn’t they get BETTER with each book in the series?
The Moment Humor Begins to Return
Get some humor, spark your creative senses, and envision what you want to do next. Because staying in grief outside of this timeline is not the most productive or best use of your time. You are needed in this world. So, get out there and create a new life /love story- one that only you can write.
Eventually we all leave this mortal coil. SO WHY SIT AROUND AND MOURN ANYMORE?
How Losing My Horse Changed the Direction of My Life
It is time to get living again! Watch a sad movie, then watch a funny one. It feels good to laugh again, I guarantee it. Take advantage of your ego being suppressed. Learn something new, go bowling, axe throwing, jump out of a plane! After I had a life changing loss, I showed my horse at the World show a month later. I was so numb with grief that I had no energy to get nervous. I won a reserve-world championship in Western Riding at the APHA World show. I don’t know if I could have done it so smoothly without being drained of all my emotive energy by crying for most of the previous month.
Finding Purpose After the Loss of a Beloved Pet
Life won’t look the same after loss. But you can use the emotional catharsis to be clear eyed about where you want to go next. Do you want another pet? Do you miss being around pets? Many of my clients will foster during this time because they aren’t ready to commit but want to be around dog energy.
When You're Ready to Love Again
Healing doesn't mean forgetting. It means carrying the love you shared into the next chapter of your life. Whether you're honoring a cherished dog, cat, horse, or another beloved companion, creating a meaningful remembrance can provide comfort as your heart begins to heal. At Pet Perennials, our collection of thoughtful pet loss sympathy gifts, including memorial candles, keepsakes, garden gifts, and remembrance treasures, is designed to help grieving pet parents celebrate a life that will always be remembered. Sometimes the smallest gesture becomes the first step toward hope.
