This month provides additional selfcare as a follow-up to Ann's April blog, "Grief and How We Heal."
Think of grieving as a season, like summer or a hiatus. It isn’t business as usual. When you lose someone, you have loved deeply, it changes your life. There must be a transition period, from who you were, to who you will be. I have found it to be beneficial to have coping skills to make it through this time. This is part two of selfcare strategies when navigating grief.
One of the ways I deal with sadness and loss is music. Whatever music I am currently listening to, I change it up. Current songs will usually remind me of what has been going on the last few months, and if you have had health issues with a pet that usually isn’t a good thing. The current songs have memories of the animal that just died so I will change it up to a totally different type of music. For example, one year I wasn’t listening to any country, but when my dog unexpectedly passed, I went with the really sappy old-style country where it’s like your dog ran away and I’m cheating on you again.
During another grief period I couldn’t stand listening to rock and roll. I filled my play list with Frank Sinatra and listened to Fly Me to the Moon. All his upbeat songs had nothing to do with my current life- there were no memories attached to trigger me into inconsolable bawling. Absurdly sad songs, funny songs- change them up and see what is most soothing to you. Usually, when I am in such a fugue state it doesn’t matter if I listen repeatedly. During the last grief hiatus, I discovered Dan Vasc. He does opera and regular rock as electric metal. Do yourself a favor and listen to his rendition of Amazing Grace.
Don’t overextend yourself when you’re grieving. This is especially important if you have pets or people whom you must help support in their grief. Others may want you to act normally and carry on activities. But you have the perfect right to say no. You also have the perfect right not to let somebody guilt you, or make you feel responsible for something that probably isn’t your obligation or fault. You can say. “I’m checking out for a week and taking a grief hiatus. If you really need me, I’ll be there, but other than that, let’s just let me have some space.”
It’s okay to sleep more if you’re grieving. The angels don’t see sleeping as a bad thing. When you sleep, you can go to heaven to rejuvenate yourself. Simply ask your angels to go to heaven when you go to bed. It can also give you a time when you can put your grief aside and recharge. You may also meet your deceased loved one in heaven! Remember, the difference between a dream and a visitation is that a visitation WILL NOT FADE.
If your grief behavior includes something drastically unsafe, like drinking too much, driving recklessly, or taking exorbitant challenges, realize you may be vulnerable, and it might be a time to back off a little bit. Grief isn’t something you can always control so make sure you keep yourself safe.
If thoughts keep going through your head, emotions, memories that are unique to the loved one that passed, it helps significantly to get them out of your head. This can be by sharing with others, but often you may want to have your emotions under control when you are out in public. Writing emotions down will help you to process them and get some perspective. If you are angry, if you have guilt, a letter to the deceased is a good place to get it out. Somehow, forgiveness needs to transpire, and that is a process that journaling can help with. Your emotions about a loved one can be complicated. You may love who you have lost but be angry at how events transpired or another who is involved. It is quite common to feel guilty if you are upset with the deceased. It is good to put it out on the page, and work through whatever emotions come up.
Journaling is also good for writing down memories of your pet while it’s still fresh. I have done this, and when I come across the journaled memories, I cherish them because my memories do fade in my mind. These writings may be stored with other remembrance items so that others can enjoy them too, or you can keep them to yourself.
Another good idea is to plan if you want a ceremony. If you need to contact others, see if you can do it through someone else or something like Caremark. What do you want for a memorial for your pet? Do you want a ceremony? Do you want to give money to a shelter for a remembrance? I like to plant trees. What is your idea for having a going away or remembrance party?
Pet Perennials offers several thoughtful and healing remembrances to honor your beloved pet.
Ann Hoff is a well-known Animal Communicator, Intuitive Medium, and a regular contributor to our FB Group “I Am not Crazy Because I Talk to Animals” and leads a monthly Zoom call with members wishing to chat with a pet, or simply ask Ann a question. This month's content addresses the earthly lessons we learn through loss.
Pet Perennials Gift Perks Service becomes a compassionate ally for pet-centric businesses, offering a seamless and affordable solution for expressing condolences. Through unique products like the Healing Hearts Candle, the Crystal Rainbow Suncatcher, and the Pet Perennials Garden Kit, and more, businesses can build lasting emotional connections with clients, reaping the benefits of goodwill and loyalty in the process. There are gifts specific to the loss of a horse, and sympathy cards for horses also available.
Comments will be approved before showing up.
