When I exhibit or speak at horse events, there are always people (usually women) who haven’t grieved the loss of their horse. It seems so deep and overwhelming to deal with the death of a horse, a thousand-pound animal, that many people put it off and remain frozen in a place of numbness. They know they should grieve, but they put it off and refuse to deal with it, or there is something in place like guilt that keeps the death of the animal frozen in time. This is most dramatic in women that have lost horses, but also happens with people who have a partnership with a dog or even a cat.
The experience of spending part of your life in a relationship with an animal like a dog or horse can be intense, life changing and filled with emotions. When I channel a horse that has died but not been grieved, it feels like a well-loved book that you don’t want to read again because it is just too sad. Suddenly, the flood gates are opened again, and the memories start pouring out. The funny way the horse ate apples, the hop-buck that she did when she would first lope the pen, that trail ride you took that your horse made sure that you stayed in the saddle. Then it comes through how much the horse LOVES you. The horse will mention the best time they ever had with you (usually it is the best time you had with them too). They will bring up the compliments you gave them (I have the prettiest tail of any horse ever!). They will remind you how completely, thoroughly and unabashedly you were gob smacked about them, and that you have missed them every moment since they have been gone.
By now, if you are the owner of the horse I am channeling, you are ugly crying. You might have thought that: “It was just a horse, it’s no big deal.” But now you realize the enormity of your relationship together. All the memories are still there, repressed and preserved, both the sorrow and the joy. But the owner had forgotten about the joy- they were so scared of the grief. Many people I talk to say, “I didn’t want to feel this grief. My feeling was that if I start crying, I will cry forever and never stop. So, I froze it.”
I learned from Elizabeth Kubler-Ross eighties that there IS a bottom to grief. That if you cry, you don’t cry forever. Like a summer storm it can come out intense and violently, but there will be an end. Grief does have a bottom. Physically, your body might wear out from crying, and you will be exhausted. Then there will be times when the grief comes back again and overwhelms you out of nowhere. However, after you grieve, the sun can shine in that space again. You will remember the good things that happened in that relationship, along with the pain of the loss. The memory will be integrated into other parts of your life.
If you do not grieve, the memories stay locked away, waiting to be processed. That part of you stays numb. You may not go to where you kept your horse, you may develop different patterns in your life to help you avoid thinking of your horse and the life you shared together. You adapt. You don’t heal, but you move forward without the piece of you that is attached to the horse and your life with them. Often this consists of having rooms that are avoided, or activities that you don’t do anymore. This is keeping ALL memories from you- not only the memory of the loss (whether that was horrific or ordinary) How much the horse ENJOYED its life with the person. How close the horse was to you.
The session with the beloved horse on the other side doesn’t last forever, just like you can’t cry forever. But you have touched their spirit again. Even more than that, the connection has allowed you to reclaim your spirit, your memories, and your knowing. You will know that you have had something spectacularly special, something that is unbound by time or space. You had/have love. Love doesn’t die.
When I see the women who have grieved their horses by connecting with them again later in the day, they are radiant. They are beaming, and it seems to me their skin is glowing. They have reclaimed the connection to a love in their life. Not only does love never die, it also constantly enlightens us with its joy and passion.
Ann Hoff is a well-known Animal Communicator, Intuitive Medium, and a regular contributor to our FB Group “I Am not Crazy Because I Talk to Animals” and leads a monthly Zoom call with members wishing to chat with a pet, or simply ask Ann a question. This month's content addresses the earthly lessons we learn through loss.
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